Anyway . . . people are blaming the many, many goats with slit throats on El Chupacabra because there hasn’t been much blood at the scenes. It’s more likely that it simply absorbed into the dry, hot ground, folks, or maybe was collected for nasty silly “satanic” rituals. But neither of those explanations is as likely to draw media attention as the blaming of the elusive goatsucker.

- Julie

Links:
http://tucsoncitizen.com/paranormal/2010/09/03/el-chupacabra-blamed-for-beheadings-in-mexico-with-photo/
http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/chupacabras-suspected-in-300-goat-beheadings/19616888

Everyone knows chupacabras look like this:

Or something like that. The most important things to note are that it has reptilian features and a bunch of sharp parts of its spine protruding down its back. That would mean that something that looks merely dog-like and scary due to the large fangs does NOT resemble the legendary chupacabra. This poor thing looks like a roughed-up coyote with a fur problem, not something sensible people would call a chupacabra:

Still from the video at the www.woai.com link below

In the typical fashion of people who don’t bother to read an entire word and guess what it is based on the first three letters, completely ignoring the context that suggests the word “continent ” might be more appropriate to a discussion of plate tectonics than the word “container,” several dumbasses in Texas have been shooting at and sometimes killing unfortunate beasties that look a hell of a lot more like a dog or coyote than anything. They weren’t 100% certain exactly what animals these were, and they saw a quick way to get some time on the local news and YouTube, so they shot first and screamed “Lookit! With a camera! I killed me one of them candelabra . . . no . . . chuplatechip . . . no, that ain’t it either . . . chupacabras!”

The executed critters have been shipped off for dna testing. Similar creatures tested in 2007 turned out to be really ugly coyotes. Surprise! Again, people, note the lack of lizardlike qualities or freaky spinal protrusions. Also note how much these things look like freaking coyotes!

Knock it the hell off, people. If you need to kill a scary fierce threatening creature because it is posing a real hazard, fine. Just stop it with the speculating that it just might be a chupacabra. You know it isn’t. If you need to get on tv that badly, do something funny like get hit in the balls by your toddler, or tape you kid after general anesthesia and post it on YouTube. Or run a volunteer event to help clean up the Gulf Coast.

Gotta run, there’s a large squirrel sasquatch in my backyard I want to film in a very shaky manner.

- Julie

Sources:
http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/weird/Is_This_the_Face_of_a_Goat-Sucker__Dallas-Fort_Worth.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/07/14/2010-07-14_chupacabra_mythical_goat_sucker_beast_surfaces_in_texas_2_caninelike_creatures_f.html
http://www.woai.com/mostpopular/story/Chupacabras-Mysterious-creatures-killed-in-Texas/YMYc1PyfZ0imSLKAP7IX4w.cspx
http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/chupacabra-dna-tester-casts-doubts-on-latest-chupacabra-scare/19554408

Image: Donald Gialanella

Donald Gialanella came across the carcass of an unfortunate beastie while he was on a hike about six miles northeast of Chaco Canyon in New Mexico. He’s not saying that it IS a Chupacabra, but he thinks that it certainly could be or is at least some new cryptozoological find.

Gialanella points to the following as evidence that this isn’t just some run-of-the-mill creature:

protruding spine bones (Nope, this couldn’t possibly have been caused by the skin contracting as it dehydrated. Or Photoshop)

the one large canine tooth he claims is 4 to 5 inches long (You know, gums recede in humans after death due to dehydration. This is part of what caused people to start believing in vampires. I guess it would be absurd to think this happens in other dead mammals, wouldn’t it?)

the oddly-shaped feet, which he says look like hooves but also have features of paws (Dude, they are paws. Period. Sad little paws that have contracted due to the decaying process. Has this guy never ever seen photos of dead animals before?)

the large hole in the chest, revealing (dun-DUN!) no internal organs, despite no insect activity that he could see (Oh boy. I don’t suppose, say, that the insects and other scavengers already ate the organs and left because they cleaned the plate. No, that would be really odd for a dead animal to have its body scavenged and then left alone once all the juicy bits were gone.)

Naturally, the guy didn’t take the thing home with him, and when he went back the next day to get it, IT WAS GONE!

As if the “clues” weren’t silly enough. someone on the Unexplained-Mysteries message board also analyzed the photo and thinks it was doctored. Do go check out the original post with this analysis. There is an awesome 30-second video of the carcass, complete with totally cheesy “eerie” music that is supposed to help convince you that this thing is some unknown mysterious creature.

You know, El Chupacabra is my favorite crypto creature, as I have noted before, so it just makes me sad when someone makes such a sorry attempt to prove its existence.
It’s almost as bad as that guy in the Bigfoot suit with the zipper. It’s so much better when someone at least manages to submit a sample for scientific testing, like a museum in Crosbyton, Texas is doing. The Mount Blanco Fossil Museum is willing to display a strange-looking carcass, but they are making sure it’s not some embarrassing extra-mangy coyote. Results are, of course, pending.

Come on, folks, let’s try a little harder next time. Don’t destroy the magic with sensation-seeking half-assedness.

- Julie

Sources:
http://www.kcbd.com/Global/story.asp?S=12510632
http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=184687

In 2009, people in Poland reported dead animals that seemed to have had all of their fluids removed through tiny holes. Apparently, these kinds of killings are happening again.

Some residents of Kornelin have even reported seeing a creature that matches reports of Chupacabra sightings from North America.

This isn’t the first report of Chupacabra sightings in Central or Eastern Europe. In March 2005 there were reports of a blood-sucking beast that killed and drained thirty-two turkeys in one night. The killer later sucked dry thirty sheep, several goats, and thirty small horned cattle. Once again, witness accounts seem to describe a “typical” chupacabra: part reptile, part giant dog, part kangaroo.

Bigfoot gets some different names (Sasquatch, Yeti, Yeren, Yowie, etc.) depending on where the sightings are. I wonder if the Chupacabra will get some new monikers as it makes its way around the globe. I hope not. “Chupacabra” is fun to say. Way more fun than “goatsucker.” Chupacabra sounds like a dance, or maybe something kind of cute and cuddly. Which is all the better to lure people into a false sense of security so it can sneak up and gruesomely murder all their livestock. Well, not as gruesome as what the cattle mutilators do, and I guess easier to clean up, but pretty freaky nonetheless.

- Julie

Sources:

http://hauntjaunts.net/blog/2010/05/19/possible-chupacabra-in-poland/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupacabra
http://english.pravda.ru/science/mysteries/79616-0/