Must Have Done The Spells Wrong

06.12.2010 · Posted in Weird Criminals, Witchcraft


Photo: U.S. Marshals Service

Former used car dealer Ruben Hernandez from Downey, California, tried to practice magic similar to vodun and Palo Mayombe in order to try to make his enemies see him as a good guy.

Marshals arresting Hernandez on charges of home-buying fraud, defrauding banks of approximately $4 million, found an altar/shrine in his bedroom. On it there were crosses, animal skeletons, and effigy dolls with the names of investigators on them.

Officials were fairly freaked out by Hernandez’s altar, but it didn’t stop them from throwing the book at him. Hernandez has been convicted and will be going to jail. The prosecutors said they weren’t afraid of Hernandez’s spells, despite seeing case-related figures on the altar, though one of the prosecutors said his left foot swelled unexpectedly during a preliminary hearing.

Maybe not leading a life of identity theft and bank-bilking crime would have served Hernandez better than some after-the-fact spells to try to fix his image.

– Julie


Seer Doesn’t See Quite Enough

06.12.2010 · Posted in Witchcraft

Witch Hunt Angry villagers attacked a tarot card reader in Puerto Tejada, in south Colombia. Five women writhed, screamed, and crawled like animals after visiting the reader, claiming to have been bewitched by her during the visit.

A local priest tried to calm the villagers with prayer, but the people stormed the woman’s house anyway and burned it to the ground after finding a Ouija board there.

The woman was chased down the road but escaped with help from the police.

So were the women really bewitched, seriously dissatisfied customers, or scheming “mean girls” who just didn’t like the reader? It’s like a supernatural version of “Desperate Housewives.” Too bad the accused apparently hadn’t read her own future lately.

– Julie


Hoarding For The Apocalypse?

06.11.2010 · Posted in Graverobbing, Weird Criminals

Lourdes_bidons_vierges_1 A forty-something grave robber was arrested in Dax, Australia when he was caught stealing a large amount of religious items from two French cemeteries.

The man stole over 70 items, including Christ figurines, bottles of holy water, crucifixes, and commemorative plaques.

Maybe this guy is stocking up for an impending spiritual peril, like the apocalypse, or a battle with a demon he thinks might be in the house. Now he’ll have to start all over again when he gets out of jail.

– Julie


World Cup And Witch Doctors Give Each Other A Thumbs Up

06.11.2010 · Posted in Witchcraft

trophy Sebenzile Nsukwini’s, a 33-year-old Zulu witch-doctor, cast bones and shells in Johannesburg lately to see what they would tell her about the upcoming World Cup events being hosted there. What she saw were good omens and no signs of terrorist attacks.

Recently, other South African witch doctors, or sangomas, slaughtered a cow at the Soccer City stadium to bless the stadium and just maybe give a little home field advantage to the local team.

FIFA, the organization running the World Cup, stated that African teams may use traditional healers and methods of treatment during the games, as long as none of the doping rules are violated.

– Julie


Possession And Bad Drugs Aren’t For Amateurs

06.10.2010 · Posted in Demons, Weird Criminals

evil mushroom WARNING: THIS STORY HAS SOME SUPER-GROSS GRAPHIC VIOLENT CONTENT. REALLY. Do not read it if you are easily disturbed by that kind of thing. Here’s a quick synopsis for you: bad mushrooms may have made a guy think his friend was possessed, so he killed him. Now stop. The rest of you can go ahead, but you’ve been warned. It’s straight out of a Rob Zombie movie, this stuff. Only real, so much, much worse.

Jarrod Wyatt, a 26-year-old cage fighter, drank some wild mushroom tea with friends in Crescent City, California, and brutally killed his trainer several hours later. Wyatt became agitated and said he was convinced his trainer was possessed by the devil and that the only way to stop it was to kill and mutilate him.

You know what, I’m not going to elaborate on the gory stuff. That’s not the kind of thing I want on this site. It’s weird all right, but too far down the gratuitously horrifying and disgusting road. There’s enough weird about this story without it. If you really want to know the details, follow the links below, but you’ve been warned and you will probably wish you hadn’t.

Wyatt was arrested and charged with first degree murder and torture. He is planning to claim that the mushrooms caused him to lose control of his thoughts and actions. Well, it’s either that or the guy really believed his trainer was possessed and that he had to kill him. Either way, he’s going away somewhere for a very long time.

Bad acid may have caused a man in Arcata, California, to mutilate himself a couple of weeks earlier because he thought parts of his body were monsters.

Rule Number One for dealing with possible possessions or monster body parts: don’t take questionable drugs in the first place. Rule Number Two: don’t try to handle that stuff yourself. Call the cops, a priest, or an ambulance. Whatever the cause, you need professional help.



Umm . . . Ingenious Use Of Land?

06.10.2010 · Posted in Miscellaneous

cemeterywater Manila Water, Inc. plans to build a sewage treatment plant in an unusual place in Taugig City: a graveyard. The plant will be placed under a currently vacant section of the cemetery in the Philippines, and a memorial park will be created above the plant.

For those of you currently saying “Ewwwww!,” the treated water will NOT be used for household consumption. The project is one of several desperately needed treatment plans to help clean up the Metro Manila waters, which are labeled biologically dead due to waste water contamination.

This reminds me of a hill and stream I used to pass in Monticello, Illinois. The stream flowed at the base of the hill, and the hill was part of the town’s cemetery. I always wondered if any decomposition fluids or embalming fluids made their way into the creek, and if so, who used that creek water. I don’t know the answers, but ewww anyway.

– Julie


Teen Wolf 2010: Scary, Disturbing, Or Sad And Unimaginative?

06.09.2010 · Posted in Werewolves

teen wolves In Texas, groups of 20 or so high school kids are banding together in “wolf packs.” Yep. Pretending to be vampires is so 2009. Now it’s the hot thing to pretend to be a wolfman.

These teen wolves don tinted and dog-eye-shaped contact lenses and fake fangs. Some even attach tails to their baggy pants. They call themselves really inventive names like “Lupus,” “Wolfram,” and “Wolfie.” You know, if this is the best these kids can come up with, we really do have a problem with our education system.

Hey, kids, they did this way better in an episode of “Buffy” called “The Pack.” Those kids really meant it. Check it out. Of course, it didn’t end so well . . .

I really hope the next big trend in teen angsty romance supernatural movies and books is mummies, because, really, how hilarious would that be to watch them emulate?

– Julie


Mystery Illness Plagues Parrots

06.09.2010 · Posted in Medical Mystery, Miscellaneous

drunklorikeet Parrots in Palmerston, Australia, are acting like drunken fools, but veterinarians aren’t sure why. In the wild, the red-collared lorikeets fly clumsily, fall out of trees, pass out, and appear to have hangovers the next day.

The cause could be a dietary or a virus, and the vets suspect it is fermented nectar. The parrots can’t tell the difference between fermented and unfermented nectar, so they don’t know not to drink it. At least they aren’t intentional drunks. Once intoxicated, the birds’ mood changes from kind of “obnoxious” to “friendly and jovial,” according to Veterinarian Lisa Hansen. I guess they aren’t imbibing enough to go full circle back to obnoxious like people do sometimes, especially in college.

As the more entertaining effects wear off, the birds get headaches (how do vets know that?), are lethargic, and seem really bummed out, much like humans with hangovers. The vets at the Ark Animal Hospital treat the birds with the avian equivalent of a college hangover cure: sweetened porridge and fresh fruit.

The possibility of an unknown illness still exists, however, so vets are still concerned about the parrots.

– Julie


Sausages Bad For Bird Aerodynamics

06.08.2010 · Posted in Miscellaneous

kookaburra An Australian kookaburra has been pigging out at barbecues, with the result being the same as it is for humans: getting too fat.  Apparently, picnickers have been feeding the bird sausages, and the bird has been bulking up in response, weighing 1.2 pounds, about 40 percent more than it should. Now it’s too heavy to fly.

A thoughtful resident took the bird to the zoo in Sydney, where it is being put on a diet. I guess the bird probably wasn’t too hard to catch. It couldn’t fly, and I’ll bet it was too portly to run fast, too. Now the bird is getting fit, having thrice-daily sessions with a personal trainer. Darn, why don’t I get a free personal trainer when I eat too many sausages?

Once the bird is fit to fly, it will be released. Do you think it will relapse and regain the weight like many of us do?

– Julie


A Spirited Discussion

06.08.2010 · Posted in Demons, Weird Criminals

nealtimothymugshot Outside Collinsville, Illinois, 44-year-old Timothy Neal and his twin 18-year-old sons Timothy and Daniel were arrested for allegedly beating up another man. The reason for the beat down? An argument about religion and demons. Alcohol was definitely involved.
No description of the argument has been given, other than that there was intense disagreement that erupted into violence when demons were brought up. You know, I suspect this is one of the Devil’s favorite forms of entertainment. Load ‘em up with booze and watch the fists fly over how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.
The t-shirt of the elder Neal speaks volumes. As does his hair. What’s with all of them leaning their heads to the side? Genetic defect? A demonstration of cockiness? Did they all get smote mightily on the left side of the head?

Why is it that when regular Joes fight about religion it’s usually over pretty quickly with limited injury, but when leaders of churches and countries do it, it can result in something like the Hundred Years War and decimating body counts? Budgetary differences? The inefficiency of bureaucracy?

– Julie