Chucacabra Legend Endangers Coyotes

07.19.2010 · Posted in Chupacabra, Cryptozoology

People, people, people. There is entirely too much confusion in the media these days about the chupacabra, and as this is my favorite cryptid, and as it is causing totally non-chupacabra critters to die unnecessarily, it makes me cranky.

Everyone knows chupacabras look like this:

Or something like that. The most important things to note are that it has reptilian features and a bunch of sharp parts of its spine protruding down its back. That would mean that something that looks merely dog-like and scary due to the large fangs does NOT resemble the legendary chupacabra. This poor thing looks like a roughed-up coyote with a fur problem, not something sensible people would call a chupacabra:

Alleged Chupacabra in Texas

Still from the video at the link below

In the typical fashion of people who don’t bother to read an entire word and guess what it is based on the first three letters, completely ignoring the context that suggests the word “continent ” might be more appropriate to a discussion of plate tectonics than the word “container,” several dumbasses in Texas have been shooting at and sometimes killing unfortunate beasties that look a hell of a lot more like a dog or coyote than anything. They weren’t 100% certain exactly what animals these were, and they saw a quick way to get some time on the local news and YouTube, so they shot first and screamed “Lookit! With a camera! I killed me one of them candelabra . . . no . . . chuplatechip . . . no, that ain’t it either . . . chupacabras!”

The executed critters have been shipped off for dna testing. Similar creatures tested in 2007 turned out to be really ugly coyotes. Surprise! Again, people, note the lack of lizardlike qualities or freaky spinal protrusions. Also note how much these things look like freaking coyotes!

Knock it the hell off, people. If you need to kill a scary fierce threatening creature because it is posing a real hazard, fine. Just stop it with the speculating that it just might be a chupacabra. You know it isn’t. If you need to get on tv that badly, do something funny like get hit in the balls by your toddler, or tape you kid after general anesthesia and post it on YouTube. Or run a volunteer event to help clean up the Gulf Coast.

Gotta run, there’s a large squirrel sasquatch in my backyard I want to film in a very shaky manner.

– Julie


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One Response to “Chucacabra Legend Endangers Coyotes”

  1. Some of these creatures being shot at are coyotes, and Kathleen Forth of Decatur, Texas, thinks some of them are Mexican hairless dogs known as Xolos. She should know, because she breeds them.
    – Julie

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