Undead, Drunk, And Cannibalistic Is No Way To Go Through Life

05.28.2010 · Posted in Vampires, Weird Criminals

A little bit “Twilight,” a little bit Hannibal Lecter, and a whole lot of booze: a combination sure to lead to jail.

Andrew Whiteman, 21, an Oberlin College student from Royal Oak, Michigan, was arrested in Lorain County, Ohio last weekend on charges intimidation and disorderly conduct while being voluntarily intoxicated. Whiteman was trying to break in to a drug store when police found him.  He displayed all the hallmark signs of a serious night of college partying: slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, and an overwhelming odor of alcohol. Whiteman was also very muddy and soaking wet, like he’d been flopping around in a creek bed.

So, really, nothing at all remarkable about the guy, until he was arrested. At that point, Whiteman told the arresting officers they were in trouble because he was a vampire over 100 years old. Hmm, “Whiteman.” Maybe a pun on being really pale on account of the undeadness? He also claimed he could smell the officers’ blood from the back of the patrol car and mentioned he would like to imbibe it. Sounds like he already did enough imbibing for the night. Whitman further said he would live forever and threatened to kill one of the officers and the officer’s children.

Upon reaching the jail, switched movie genres ever so slightly and told a female officer that he wanted to eat her kidney.

What a nice young man. Someone should tell him that’s not the kind of sexy vampire behavior the young ladies are going for these days.

Whiteman has apparently survived exposure to daylight and has pleaded not guilty.

– Julie



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